Verizon Tries for a ‘Ship My Pants’ Moment by Poking Fun at Its ‘Half-Fast’ Rivals

Another brand turns to mildly risqué wordplay

Watch your mouth and your online speeds, because if you're doing "half-fast" work on an Internet connection other than Verizon FiOS, it could come out sounding dirty.

Verizon is the latest marketer to test the censors with slogans that come amusingly close to sounding like curses. It's not as funny as when Kmart shipped your pants, but even half-assed punvertising is worth a chuckle.

The idea this time around is that most broadband providers have slow upload speeds, making them only "half-fast." So, the actors in the commercial complain of the "half-fast" job their Internet is doing when they are posting pictures or music to the Web.

"Stop living with half-fast Internet," Verizon's spokesman and Modern Family dad Ty Burrell says.

Hey, at least no one's taking a sheet in the pool.

Publish date: October 7, 2014 © 2020 Adweek, LLC. - All Rights Reserved and NOT FOR REPRINT