Ask Piranhamous Anything

Here is this week’s installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.”  If you have a question you’d like “snarked to death,” send it to This isn’t an advice column. Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

1. Do you think online Twitter fighting has gotten out of control? Why, you wanna fight? Absolutely not! Fighting is what Twitter was made for. With only 140 characters you can’t exactly convey the genius of Milton Friedman, but you can call someone an asshole. And since there are plenty more assholes than Friedman’s out there, Twitter is custom-made for pointing them out. You want a serious discussion of policy, start a blog. Twitter is for pointing out how big of a jackass someone is while adding a link to your rant justifying it.

2. Why is there such infighting amongst GOP bloggers like WaPo‘s Jennifer Rubin and the rest such as RedState and CNN’s Erick Erickson? There’s a huge difference between being a member of the GOP and being a conservative. The GOP has leaders like Mitch McConnell, who rambles with the same monotone whether he’s giving a floor speech on something that makes him “angry” or passing a stone. Rubin wasn’t picked to write for the Post because she’s conservative, she was picked because she’s a Republican. Erickson is a conservative. The difference between a Republican and a conservative is the difference between someone who wants to step gingerly, rather than stomp, in cow manure (the way they envision the Founding Fathers would’ve liked) and someone who doesn’t want to step in it at all. I’m not saying Rubin smells…but I’m also not saying she doesn’t.

3. Who is better looking, FNC’s Ed Henry or Bret Baier? Tough call. They both look like they just fell out of a catalog, but Henry has to lose this one. Baier always looks put together, as does Henry, but Bret does so while looking like it was effortless, like he woke up that way. Ed comes off as the type who not only always has a pocket square, but spent 15 minutes with a ruler and protractor making sure it conforms with the Brooks Brothers style guide. It’s the difference between simply being an A student and being an A-minus student who kisses the teacher’s butt to get the upgrade. Sure, you’re both getting an A, and both were “earned,” but only sort of.

Publish date: March 9, 2012 © 2020 Adweek, LLC. - All Rights Reserved and NOT FOR REPRINT