Ask Piranhamous Anything

Here is this week’s installment of “Ask Piranhamous Anything.”  If you have a question you’d like “snarked to death,” send it to This isn’t an advice column. Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

Note from P: I’m a cynical sonofabitch most of the time, but today I’m on 11. You have been warned.

What do you think of the new hoodie craze, particularly media personalities like Bill Press and Roland Martin and Rep. Bobby Rush donning hoodies in honor of Trayvon Martin? Is it bordering on stupid yet?

Most of America is wondering who those people are. We now have media personalities who created a new race, “white Hispanic,” in order to make George Zimmerman white so they could milk this tragedy. Bill Press is now on Current TV with the likes of star buffoon Keith Olbermann. Roland Martin (no relation to Trayvon, unfortunately) is the guy suspended for making the gays angry over a stupid tweet.  And Rep. Bobby Rush (D-Ill.) has a long, storied career as a worthless backbench politician most people have never heard of. That media personalities try to glom onto the media frenzy around the death of Trayvon Martin with hoodies is not surprising. Is it bordering on stupid? It’s so far past the border of stupid that it’s naturalized, married and had kids already. Some members of the media speak of the events of that night with such clarity that you’d think they were there. They weren’t, they don’t know anything more than anyone else, but admitting you don’t know and saying we should wait for the investigation before jumping to conclusions doesn’t make for good ratings. As for Rush, he’ll get a fundraising email out of it, then settle comfortably back into obscurity.

Why do some journos refuse to talk to FishbowlDC?

Most “journalists” live in a world there they aren’t questioned. Their motives, their sloppiness, their laziness go out as gospel and even their mistakes are swept under the rug like that last dust-bunny you found after you put the dustpan away. Why would they ever expose themselves to the type of exposure they demand of others? Their giant egos (and they are huge) don’t allow for questioning of them, because not only are they huge, they’re fragile. Most of these people aren’t bright, they’re quite dumb. They live in a world where their stupidity is hidden, protected from exposure by producers who write the bright words on teleprompters or editors who clean up the written vomit they submit. If people were exposed to their unfiltered idiocy, if the public were to realize they make William Hurt’s character in “Broadcast News” look like Einstein, or CNN Wolf Blitzer’s “Jeopardy!” performance seem like a good day, they’d be finished. They can’t risk that.

Who, other than Mitt Romney, needs a car elevator?

Off the top of my head – Michael Moore. But that’s just to get in and out of bed. And to lift his wallet. Or lunch to the table. Perhaps that is too mean, but I don’t care. And who cares who needs a car elevator? A better question would be who wouldn’t aspire to need one? Mitt made his money, shouldn’t you aspire to as well? You can sit around and complain about what other people have that you don’t, but don’t expect me to care. We used to look at people who achieved success and aspire to be like them. Now too many people look at them and demand the government take some of their stuff and “spread it around.” Screw you, buddy. Earn your own shit and stop worrying about what someone else earned.