At Beckerman, It’s Best If You Drink Water

Keith Zakheim, president of Beckerman, will fire your ass if you drink up all the milk and don’t make proper arrangements to get a new container put in the fridge before he arrives in the office the following morning. Seriously, he got to the office yesterday and there wasn’t enough milk for his coffee and he was pissed off! His staff has been warned before, so he doesn’t understand why folks can’t just replace the gosh darn milk!

How do I know all this? Zakheim sent an email to his staff telling them his tale of woe. And that email ended up in the Gawker inbox, probably sent by the person Zakheim describes as, “either incredibly lazy, obnoxiously selfish or woefully devoid of intelligence – 3 traits that are consistent with the profile of FORMER Beckerman employees.”

He’s beseeching that person, “PLEASE don’t test me” or you will be fired. Like fired like Kristin Wiig was in Bridesmaids (click to the 10-minute mark). Once that person is fired, if you would like to pursue a career at Beckerman, click here for info.

Update: This story is getting picked up by media around the world.